Tuesday, 10 February 2015
The desire to fit in......
So many pressures surround each and everyone of us, whether as children, teenagers or adults. In different areas of life, whether it be education, career, marriage and so on. Many people loosing their identity or defining themselves with things. I know it all too well, having come from a cultural background that puts so much appreciation on being somebody, you are first known by your title, or who you are related to, or what you have achieved. All these things are relevant and import in the scheme of things but when you find yourself in a situation where you are struggling to define yourself, what do you do? It can be quite hard for the person who always wanted to be a lawyer. Due to circumstances and situations beyond their control, they suffered a lot from poverty. Maybe there was only one bread winner in the family and hence no money to provide for children to live their dreams. how does one handle that space in life when you are expecting the expected, waiting for the desired. where does the person fit in? how does the person fit in? how is the person perceived? how is the person treated? what is the responsibility of the people around be it friends or family to make that person feel loved and desired.
It is so easy to gravitate to people who have got it all sorted, who are rich, well spoken, well dressed and well mannered. It is easy for people to desire the butterfly than to go through the process of cocooning. Everybody loves the ready made, the instant coffee, the fast food joint and the credit card because you can have what you want, when you want, how you want it and as you want it.
The desire to fit in is met with impatience and self gratification. Patience is no longer the watch word, maturity with time before success.
For young and old, wanting to be part of the crowd, be in vogue, be trendy regardless of the cost attached to it. You hear stories of people doing the unthinkable and heartless to get money, you hear of women who sell their bodies in order to wear the latest fashion of the day. Many people selling their birthright in order to be called the son of Pharoah's daughter.
Please do not misunderstand my persuasion in mistaking it for a hatred for people who are well to do, successful and so on but on the contrary. My own quest is how was it gained, by what means, who suffered or what suffered for your indulgence.
There is a place that opportunity meets preparation and it is in that space that gap that patience and waiting and endurance tends to linger on and on. It is in that place of a desire to fit in that you find your niche, your unique role, your purpose, what you are meant to be and who you are. You discover a strength that lies deep in you because of one who Strengthens if you truly have a relationship with Him.
What is my attitude towards those who are in this patch, the desert in which streams are yet to appear. The place that is filled with so many mirages. Do I seat in silence and watch them suffer? Do I lend a helping hand and even if I may make mistakes at supporting them. For the person in this space, what is your attitude towards those who are not in the zone of deprivation you feel at the moment. Are you joyful , happy or bitter? Are you constantly unhappy , refusing to be excited for another persons happiness for lack of your own? How does one transit from constant moodiness because of stagnation or should i say hidden growth in the sense that it is not apparent that there are changes occurring. how does one prevent from constantly being introspective, making everything seem dark and gloomy when in actual sense the rain is falling , yes the sky is grey with clouds but the sun is shining, blazing behind that gloomy weather.
Is the desire to fit in over rated? I feel it is so much more important that your roots go deep down to find a source of strength and life that cannot be quenched, that will constantly be available for life's challenges. It is important to understand whose you are and who are, to embrace situations that will develop you into who you actually are meant to be.
But even on that note , one has to be careful about unnecessary isolation, that can starve the life out of one. we all need support in that space, that time of dryness and nothing happening, that time when you sort of don't fit in. we ought to surround ourselves with other pillars , people who would truly stand with us, people that will pull you out when you feel down, people that will lift you up and not push you further into the mud. If you Have a relationship with God , to be fully anchored, to know that He is your sustenance, the one in whom we have our identity.